What to do if you don't know how to solve the problem. When problems are not solved

Whatever is bothering you: the choice of a new gadget, a relationship with a partner, or the excessive demands of a new boss, you have four ways to get rid of this feeling:

• change yourself and your behavior;
• change the situation;
• get out of the situation;
• change your attitude towards the situation.

Undoubtedly, there is another option to leave everything as it is, but this is definitely not about solving the problem.

That's it, the list is over. No matter how hard you try, you can’t come up with anything more. And if you want to think about what to do, then I suggest you take the following steps.

Algorithm of actions

1. State the problem in the first person

The problems “The world has not yet created the gadget that I need,” “He doesn’t care about me,” and “The boss is a beast, demands the impossible” are insoluble. But the problems “I can’t find a gadget that meets my criteria”, “I feel unhappy because my partner doesn’t care about me” and “I can’t do what my boss asks of me” are quite workable.

2. Analyze your problem

Start from four ways solutions presented above:

You may find that you would like to combine several of these, such as changing your attitude towards a situation and then changing your behavior. Or maybe you will first consider several methods to choose from. This is fine.

4. Having chosen one, two or even three ways, brainstorm

Take a piece of paper and a pen. For each method, write as many possible solutions to the problem as possible. At this stage, throw away all filters (“indecent”, “impossible”, “ugly”, “shameful” and others) and write down everything that comes to mind.

For example:

For inspiration:

• Imagine a person whom you respect and who could definitely help you. What solutions to the problem would he suggest?
• Ask friends and acquaintances for help: brainstorming in a group is more fun.

Choose the one that is most suitable for you in this situation.

6. Answer yourself the following questions

• What do I need to do to make this decision a reality?
• What could be stopping me and how can I overcome it?
• Who can help me do this?
• What will I do in the next three days to start solving my problem?

7. Take action!

Without real action, all this thinking and analysis is a waste of time. You will definitely succeed! And remember:

A hopeless situation is a situation in which you don't like the obvious way out.

One of the options in this case is to contact the Commissioner for Human Rights.
In Tatarstan it is Saria Saburskaya. She has community assistants in each district who can also help solve any problems. In the Yelabuga region, the public assistant to the Commissioner for Human Rights in the Republic of Tatarstan is Ilnur Shaimardanov.
− Ilnur Zufarovich, what functions does the public assistant to the Commissioner for Human Rights perform?
− First of all, our work is social. According to the Law “On the Commissioner for Human Rights”, we can carry out inspections based on requests from citizens or at the request of the Commissioner for Human Rights, carry out any one-time assignments in the form of security checks medicines or technical means of rehabilitation, holding citizens in a temporary detention center, organizing elections. In addition, if the solution to any problem is not within our competence, then we draw up a statement addressed to the Commissioner for Human Rights, help ensure that it reaches him, and subsequently monitor the communication between the citizen and the Commissioner.
I am also a member of various commissions related to the consideration of citizens’ cases, and this helps people who find themselves in difficult situations. life situation. I would like to note that this is the work not only of me, but of everyone on these commissions.
− How often do people contact you?
- Last year, about 30 people contacted me personally. And the Commissioner received 3,985 appeals from citizens, both written and oral, including 456 during personal receptions. This is 12 percent more than in 2016 (3,549 appeals).
− What kind of problems are the residents of Yelabuga most concerned about?
− The main issues relate to housing and communal services, healthcare, education, land law, and social security. Situations can be very different, and everything needs to be resolved.
There are complaints about noise in apartment buildings. If law enforcement agencies do not pay due attention to solving this problem, then I personally have to contact them.
Grandmothers who just need to talk out also call. When you listen to them, they periodically repeat their calls, and this is normal. The most important thing is that a person can get what he wants and calm down.
A year ago, for example, a woman called who was suffering from cancer. The son took custody of her, but did not look after her, citing bad smell emanating from the mother due to illness. Social security workers provided her with the necessary assistance.
− What questions do you encounter most often?
− Since my main activity is related to the Social Insurance Fund, most of the requests addressed to me are received through technical means rehabilitation. This is a very sensitive issue, because the provision of technical and social support was recently transferred to the responsibility of the Social Insurance Fund, and the work is not yet well organized, which is why there are the most requests on this issue.
- Are there problems that cannot be solved?
− Basically, all problems can be solved, although this takes time. But there are also some that we cannot solve. Not long ago, a citizen contacted us with a problem of non-payment wages. The organization he worked for went bankrupt. Of course, he won the lawsuits, as did all the employees who worked in this organization, but the fact is that it itself no longer exists. Everything that could be sold has already been sold, and there are no creditors, so there is simply nothing to pay the workers’ wage debts. This man has already gone through all the authorities and has now written a letter to the President, but his problem will not be solved, because there is nowhere to pay this money. There is no organization, the director is convicted.
Often in construction industry Salaries are paid in envelopes. But if, for example, you get sick, sick leave is accrued according to the official salary, which is several times less than the actual one. In my practice, there was also such a case, and, if I’m not mistaken, the man, even when filing a lawsuit, lost this case, since his employment contract stated a completely different figure than what he actually received.
In general, when hiring you should pay special attention employment contract. Because some people get a job without drawing up any contracts. And when a person works in an industry with increased injury rates, this is simply unacceptable. As an example, here is an incident that happened not so long ago in our area. A young girl unofficially got a job at a cleaning company serving one of the enterprises in the special economic zone. She inhaled harmful fumes there, returned home and died. Her parents, of course, obtained compensation through the court, but is it comparable to the loss of a loved one?
Therefore, reducing informal employment and legalizing labor relations are among the priority areas of the Strategy national security Russia.
In our area last year, 25 occupational accidents were registered, 20 of which were mild and 5 were severe.
− How can I get an appointment with you?
− Anyone can contact me. The reception is held at the address: Toyminskaya Street, 1, on Tuesdays, from 14.00 to 18.00, but if I am free, I can receive and listen to a citizen any day of the week and at any time.
You can also ask your questions to the public assistant of the Commissioner for Human Rights in the Republic of Tajikistan through our newspaper, by calling 3-81-11 or writing a letter to email: [email protected].

Problem. There is only one thing on my mind - how to solve the problem. The panic is getting stronger. Even depression sets in. This condition happens to many who are looking for a solution in the wrong place.

Most people become immersed in a problem, constantly thinking about the problem and how to solve the problem. But life shows that constant thoughts about a problem do not solve it at all, and, in most cases, even add to problems.

Someone decides to move away from the problem, to replace thoughts about the pressing problem with other thoughts. But this is also not a solution. If the problem is not solved, then it will not be solved the way you need.

But there is not only black and white...

If the time has come to make repairs in the house, then you can do the repairs as necessary. You don’t have to do any repairs at all if it doesn’t work out. Or you can learn all the intricacies of this matter and put your house in order. Even if the repairs are done by hired workers, under the control of someone who understands what’s what, it will be difficult to do anything wrong.

If you need to move a cabinet in the house, you can try to push it and strain yourself without moving it. You can not move the cabinet, leaving it in the same place. Or you can exercise physically, gain strength and calmly move it, as many times as you like and wherever you want.

If you need to please a guy and keep him, then you can panic and mess things up. You can completely abandon this guy. And you can get the necessary knowledge and gain internal forces, which will give attractiveness, attractiveness and keep the guy nearby.

And so it is in everything. IN difficult situations thoughts about the problem only aggravate the unfavorable factors, and the problem is not solved as desired. Also, ignoring the problem does not change the situation in better side. To solve a problem well, you need to step back from it for a while and first gain certain knowledge and strength that can change the situation.

Ancient sources of knowledge say that before you receive, you must first give. And instead of constantly thinking about the problem, you need to start giving and gaining strength to solve it. Therefore, the question of how to solve a problem comes down to where to get the strength to solve it and what and to whom to give.

There are many ways to donate (give). And you can start with the simplest ones. For example, you can feed the birds. And not only when you want, but to take constant care of them. At the same time, you need to do this disinterestedly, simply enjoying the way they peck at the seeds.

Another way to give, which is more difficult, is to feed the poor. Moreover, it is to feed, and not to give money. It is often scammers who ask for money, but those in need need food, clothing, shelter, medicine, etc. This is what should be given to them whenever possible.

You can sacrifice not only something material. Treating people well and wishing everyone happiness is also a kind of donation. And this is even more than feeding the birds and the poor.

Praying to God is also a donation, unless the prayer is a request to receive something. This is giving God joy and love. This is gratitude.

Fulfilling your responsibilities to loved ones is also a sacrifice, and one of the most difficult. We generally want responsibilities to be fulfilled. And giving means sacrificing to your husband and children, without wanting anything from them in return.

An even more difficult donation is sacrificing your time. Giving your time means paying attention to those around you and those who need it. You can simply talk to a lonely person. You can help your neighbor look after the children. You can teach your friend to sew, etc. and so on. All this time, which we so lack for our own affairs. At the same time, you need to be able to give exactly when you need it. That is, do everything on time. As they say, a spoon is dear to dinner.

You especially need to learn to give love, care, and attention to loved ones, since it is always more difficult to sacrifice them than strangers.

The result of donations is very strong - overcoming one’s life difficulties.

Do not know how to solve the problem? Take your mind off it and start giving. The result will exceed your expectations. Just give selflessly, without wanting anything in return.

Hello. I don’t know why I’m writing on this site, because I have no right to commit suicide. But probably because it’s very hard for me, my state of mind cannot be described in words, I’M NOT LIVING. I am 28 years old and I am the mother of a disabled child. He has autism. Of course, we struggle and study, but I have a constant feeling that I am NOT LIVING, life is passing me by. Formally, I am married, but my husband left these problems and I was left without support (except for my parents). I work hard to pay for his classes, but I can't do it anymore. Simple joys are beyond my reach. I have forgotten how to rejoice, because there is always a heavy burden on my soul. I’m young and slim, but no one needs this, because I have so much baggage behind me. I am slipping into deep depression, I see no end ahead. Other problems are being solved, but this problem will never be solved. My son a handsome boy with smart eyes and he has a severe psychoneurological diagnosis. I try to hold on only thanks to parents like me. You can’t ask the question: why me, why with me? But I'm asking it. I stopped believing. One day I brought my son the sacrament and he started screaming and struggling, the priest irritably told me something, hold him, etc. So nothing worked out for us. everyone turned to follow us. I don't go to church anymore. I am doomed to loneliness and life in a home mental hospital. My pain is unbearable and there is no end to it...
Support the site:

anonymous, age: 28 / 12/22/2017

Responses:

You can ask the priest to come to your home and give communion to your son as he is sick. At the same time, talk and get advice. It’s very disappointing when people react this way, but they don’t know your child’s diagnosis. Patience and God's help.

Anna, age: 51 / 12/23/2017

Hello! Maybe there is someone nearby - loved ones, family, who can sometimes be with the child or take him to classes instead of you, so that you can be without the child and take a break from worries.
The child has a disability. Is his pension not enough to pay for his classes? The fact is that, for example, we have a rehabilitation center for disabled children. Everything there is free: treatment, classes, etc. Surely, you have something similar.
There are social protection organizations; you can turn there for help to find a person who could sometimes replace you and could go for a walk and be with the child. Neighbors after all. If you were nearby, I could babysit the child. And you need to unwind, take a walk, relax.
As for the church.. Why are you saying so right away... if everything didn’t work out the first time, then I won’t go at all. Come and explain everything to the priest. It was at that time that he reacted like that, forgive him. You explain everything to the priest before communion, during confession, and they will help you. Do you go to church yourself? You probably don't have time. But get together once, fast, confess and receive communion.

Evgenia, age: 41 / 12/23/2017

Hello. I really sympathize with you, hang in there dear girl. Try to set aside time for rest, maybe the parents can sit with their son at least on the weekend, and you can go for a walk, meet with friends or just get some sleep. Pray in your own words or short prayers, for example Our Father. If you meet a worthy person, then, believe me, he will not be afraid of a disabled child. Be strong. Strength to you.

Irina, age: 30 / 12/23/2017

Hello. Still, there is no need to despair. Life is what it is, and we are given only what we can handle. Special children - they are not to blame for anything. They were born and endure suffering incomprehensible to others. We can say that they are martyrs, bearing the cross of illness. And they will be rewarded in heaven. And the parents of such children serve them. And this is an important and necessary thing - to serve the sick and infirm. And there will also be a reward for this both in this century and in the future, as they say. So there is no need to be discouraged. What you are doing is not at all meaningless. But forces must be distributed wisely. Watch according to your capabilities so as not to run out of steam and leave the race. Therefore, you need to rest, go somewhere with your husband sometimes, and hire a nanny if possible (there is also a volunteer service, it’s free). Life is life. It is clear to you what your purpose is. And you don't die serving another, you live. And this is very good. Strength and patience to you, and not to lose heart. There is a charitable foundation - House with a Lighthouse. You can try calling there for help (they can provide a variety of help there). And there you can find out about churches and priests who care for and give communion to children with special needs. No one there is afraid of such unusual behavior, because there is experience and practice in what approach should be taken with such children so that they are not afraid.
And please don't forget to rest. At least sometimes leave the house.

Olya, age: 42 / 12/23/2017

You know, I often go to church and see very different people, including children. Some are dressed unusually, others are talking to themselves, others are silent, but from their look it is clear that they are not themselves. And the fact that they all came to the service, perhaps without understanding something, is absolutely normal - the church is called “God’s hospital,” so where should they go? And who will help them if not God? My aunt gives communion to her granddaughter - she has Down syndrome - every month, and the girl loves to go there, kisses the icons.. It’s very unfortunate that you found yourself in such a situation, but this is not a reason to forget the way to church. Even with absolutely healthy children, anything can happen - they can scream and break out, and all the priests know this, and in general they treat it with understanding. Try to come on a weekday when there are hardly any people. Or you can approach the priest before the service begins and explain that the child will most likely be scared, and you need to give him communion after everyone else. Come up after everyone has already received communion and the priest will bring out a cup especially for him. You can try all sorts of options, the main thing is not to give up, not to despair. You can find organizations of parents with special needs children, communicate with them, and participate in common holidays. When you are around people with the same problem, and you see how they were able to cope, to find the strength not just to survive, but to live - joyfully, interestingly, it always helps. All the best!

Svetlana, age: 38 / 12/23/2017

Darling, hold on, you are strong!
If the child is afraid of Communion, it’s okay, you can try it another time. You don’t need to pay attention to people, people are people everywhere, even in church... It’s a pity that the priest was annoyed, but you understand that they also get tired...
Pray at home, confess and take communion yourself. Even if you don’t really like the priest, you do it in order to be with God, to cleanse yourself. I think you will feel more at ease.
There are many groups on VK Orthodox dating, you can leave the questionnaire there. Who knows, what if you find support? I wish you strength and recovery for your baby!
Hugging you

KseKse, age: 22/23/12/2017

Hello. First of all, I want to thank you for your message. I clearly saw myself in him a year ago, when it seemed that I would never get out of depression. I wanted to sleep all the time and not wake up, because autism is like an elephant in the room that will never go away.
Do you know what I understood for myself, and what should I, except physical activity, helps. You see, the illness of a child, like the death of a parent, is part of my life. And I won't have another one. We must accept this calmly. Before this there was a constant struggle, I worked with him for many years five to six hours a day and the results were phenomenal! I thought we would win, it just takes extra effort. But the illness did not go away, and mental and physical strength exhausted. You know, last year there was some kind of turning point for me, I simply ACCEPTED it as a fact. Yes - autism. Yes, it's hard.
But you and I have enough strength and courage to endure it, and without losing heart. This will only make you stronger and wiser. And your son is still the most beautiful, despite his peculiarities. And he will delight and surprise you. For example, I learned how to tie my shoelaces!!! Do you know what a joy this is!
This does not mean that everything will be cloudlessly smooth, fatigue and “surprises”
still accumulate. Just like today, I went to the site to calm down, and saw your dear and congenial letter. And my strength doubled. Maybe the angels sent him and you to me today? Thank you for that! In general, we are all created in the image and likeness of God, and you yourself do not suspect how much strength, patience and endurance you have. Heads up! This is just another difficult test. This is how the steel was tempered!
God bless and protect you.

Tanya, age: Many / 12/23/2017

Dmitry, age: 33 / 12/24/2017

Thanks everyone for your support and good words! About the church. I want to approach the priest first without the child and explain the situation. After all, when he was born with a weight of 1300 and was in intensive care, the priest did not refuse me, he came and baptized him right there. But he was from another temple

anonymous, age: 28 / 12/24/2017

Dear anonymous, there were very difficult moments in my life, I lived for a long time according to the principle - “stand the day and wait out the night”, I knew there would definitely be a breakthrough ahead and it has come, I am sure there will be relief in your life. As they say - “quantity will turn into quality ".Your efforts will be justified, your son will make progress, time will pass, and when it slows down poorly, and when it flies well. Now there are sites and societies for children with autism, you need to keep in touch with them - this is a support group.
But men often cannot withstand such hardships, they leave, disabled children are pulled by their mothers, and it’s good if their grandmother helps.
You are not alone
Sincerely.

Lissa, age: 54 / 12/24/2017

I am 34 and also have an autistic child. Also sausage and periodically covers it. But I don’t work yet, because during the day we take my son to classes in a neighboring city, the teacher comes home and without my presence simply cannot teach him because of aggression. I sit next to him and block him when he tries to hit one of us to avoid training. In addition to autism, my son has hyperactivity and neurodevelopmental disorder. I can’t give communion either. It worked while I was little. Now he is afraid and may spit it out (he is very selective in food and may spit it out not in order to deliberately desecrate a shrine, but simply does not like the taste or consistency.
And it’s very difficult for me to deal with him psychologically (we have practically no specialists). I ordered a bunch of manuals, books on autism and they are worth it. I can't bring myself to memorize all this. I study situationally, not according to some program, but someday I will be able to read, someday I will be able to trace drawings along the contour. In general, we are not heroes. Apparently, God sent such a child to realize this. What am I holding on to? The younger one is having fun so far. I grow flowers. The husband still has not escaped with such a life. It’s sad that I haven’t received communion for a long time. I don’t have the strength to fast yet. But! One thing I know: any crisis opens up prospects of a different order. You just need to see them and master them. But pasaran comrades! Let's keep our tails on the gun and communicate more often with the same role-players.

Elena, age: 34 / 12/24/2017

My dear, you need to make friends with mothers of children like your son. And believe me, having common concerns, interests, it will be easier for you, and more fun. And you will find a husband = it’s a matter of time, he will love you and the child is not a hindrance. I understand you very much. My adult son is seriously ill. It is more difficult to cope with adults. He despairs, talks about death... We are alone with our misfortune. I will cry and fight again and move on with my life. I am writing to you because you are not alone in trouble.

violet, age: 45 / 12/25/2017