When people are in a loving union, they are interdependent because they help meet each other's needs. But there are relationships in which dependence fills the entire space, leaving no room for love.

Such relationships are characterized by an obsessive need for the other person's attention. Relationships are attributed archival significance, and if the object of passion becomes unavailable for some reason, the dependent person experiences anxiety, and at that moment his life becomes meaningless and empty.

The problem is that in this way we make the other person fully responsible for meeting our needs and expect certain behavior from him. If our expectations are not justified, then life collapses, we experience discomfort and literally lose ourselves.

It turns out that without another person, an emotionally dependent person does not feel the fullness of life and does not feel complete. The object of passion, on the other hand, bears a heavy burden of responsibility for our happiness , and this is very difficult and makes you want to get rid of this burden.

As a result, it’s hard for everyone in these relationships to live, but breaking out of the circle of addiction is even more difficult than being in it.

Let's look at the reasons that make us emotionally dependent and find out how we can change the situation.

Emptiness around, emptiness inside

Emptiness around, emptiness inside

Tatyana has been divorced from her husband for many years and lives with her son. From the outside, their relationship may seem ideal: they go together to the theater, cinema, walk around the city and even go on vacation together.

Emotional addiction: how to break the connection / shutterstock.com

“My Danila is both smart and handsome, knows three languages, makes good money, but he has no luck with girls, they all come across the wrong ones,” Tatyana complains. In fact, her "boy" is already about forty years old, and it is the mother who is the cause of all his failures in his personal life.

Ekaterina GORSHKOVA,
psychologist-consultant

Among the various types of addictions, gambling, alcohol, drug, tobacco, and shopping addictions are traditionally distinguished. They more or less learned to see and diagnose these addictions, which means that people who are prone to them got the opportunity to heal from them. However, this type of addiction as emotional addiction is still on this list only among psychologists, since people suffering from emotional addiction are a large part of our clients.

Emotional dependency is dependence on a relationship with another person. Emotional dependence can be very difficult to recognize, as its presence is often confused with strong love feelings. Culture strenuously plays with the images of those who loved and died on the same day or suffered in the name of true love itself, and thereby elevates psychological deviation to the rank of the norm. In science, a person who cannot live without another person is called a child (or disabled person). However, in the eyes of most of the globe, the experiences of one person who cannot live without another are called love. I have repeatedly heard the phrase: “If I didn’t love, I wouldn’t worry like that” or “I suffer because I love.” Suffering, the impossibility of being oneself or being happy without another sometimes completely abstract “person who would love me” or “person who would be next to me” are inextricably linked with love. Many people live in unsatisfactory, destructive relationships, believing that this is how it should be - "so that strong feelings and it is impossible to be without each other for a long time" - and not realizing that it could be different.

A healthy, harmonious personality is able to create relationships with many other personalities. This is due to the fact that “the central motivation of a person is an internal need to achieve rich, complex and passionate relationships with oneself, parents, peers, community, animals, nature, the outside world and the spiritual world” (L. Marcher, Danish psychotherapist). this is not the one who does not experience spiritual experiences and the need to form close relationships with other people.This is the one who is not destroyed by them, who does not make another person a guarantee of his happiness or unhappiness.

Signs of emotional dependence:

1. Happiness is possible only if there is a relationship and another person who loves or who is nearby;

2. Love, friendship are impossible without complete dissolution in each other, without complete surrender of life at the disposal of another person;

3. Relationships become destructive, accompanied by intense jealousy, numerous difficult conflicts, a constant threat of a break, but the real, final break does not reach;

4. It's hard in a relationship, it's impossible without a relationship;

5. The absence of a relationship, an object of love / affection, or the thought of absence causes severe pain, fear, depression, apathy, despair;

6. Relationships cannot be broken off on their own: "Until he leaves me himself, we will not be able to leave."

Relationships in which there is emotional dependence are always very tense, conflicting, difficult relationships. This is due to the fact that if one person is so significant for another person that all his “good”, all his well-being, all his happiness depends on him, then all his “bad”, all his misfortunes also depend entirely on the other person. . On this account, you should not flatter yourself. Love coupled with emotional dependence is always associated with hatred in the end, since the hunger of an emotionally dependent person cannot be satisfied.

Another feeling that always accompanies addictive relationships is resentment. Resentment is a feeling of sacrifice, a feeling that is born when a person cannot show his primary feelings - anger and pain and adequately respond to the pain caused to him by another person.

The development of a tendency to emotional (and any other) dependence occurs during infancy, from one month to one and a half years. During this period, the child develops an idea of ​​how his interaction with the outside world is arranged (and will be arranged in the future). He forms an idea of ​​whether the world hears him (at that time in the face of mom and dad) or not, whether he satisfies his needs for security, nutrition, bodily comfort, communication, acceptance, love or does not satisfy, and if he satisfies, then to what extent, how completely. Developmental disorders in this period give rise to a feeling of “hunger” in a person for relationships, for love, for affection, for emotional and bodily intimacy. Such a person is in constant search of an “ideal parent”, a person who would compensate him for what he once did not get: unconditional love, unconditional acceptance, reading his needs without saying them out loud, immediate satisfaction of his needs - and would saturate him with your love. Of course, in this form it is impossible to obtain. There is only one period in life when our needs can be met in such an ideal way - this is childhood. The inability to receive it from another person generates intense anger, pain and despair. And again, the hope that someday someone will love us so much that they will understand everything we want and do it for us, will be with us all the time and will always be within reach for contact.

Dealing with emotional dependency

1. Working with emotional addiction consists of constantly separating yourself from the object of addiction, from constantly addressing yourself with questions: “what I want that to me do I need?”, “Does the other want or do I want?”, “What exactly do I need?”, “How do I understand whether I get something or not?”, “By what signs will I understand that I am loved and accept?" An emotionally dependent person needs to learn to distinguish between his own feelings and the feelings of another person, his own and other people's needs. It is important to understand that you and your object are not the same thing, you cannot and should not necessarily experience the same feelings, have the same desires. This type of relationship is needed by the mother and the child so that the mother understands and satisfies the needs of the infant until he can say about them himself. But for adults, this type of relationship is a dead end, it does not give the development that occurs when differences come into contact. Work with emotional dependence should be constantly aimed at distinguishing yourself from another person: “Here I am, and here he is. Here we are similar, but here we are different. I can have my feelings, my desires, and he can have his, and this is not a threat to our intimacy. We don't have to give up relationship, contact, to satisfy our various desires."

2. An important point is the recognition of one's own needs and desires and the search for ways to satisfy them outside the partner. Getting love and support is possible not only from one person. The more sources of their receipt, the less burden falls on the partner. The more a person is independent in meeting his needs, the less he depends on another person.

3. It is important to remember that the source of love and acceptance can be not only external, but also internal. The more such sources you find, the less you will depend on the people around you and their acceptance or rejection of you. Look for what nourishes, supports, inspires and develops you. These can be spiritual values, interests, hobbies, hobbies, own qualities and personal characteristics, as well as one's own body, feelings, sensations.

4. Notice the moments when you are loved and supported, even if these are small signs of attention. Speak to yourself that at this moment you are seen, heard, accepted. And be sure to address the body and physical sensations, as the period of formation of addiction is infancy, the period of dominance of the body and its needs. It is through bodily contact with mother and other close people, through nutrition and bodily comfort that the child understands that he is loved, and is the first to learn to recognize his bodily needs. At the moment when you receive love and support from those around you, turn your attention to the body, notice how the body reacts to this, where and how in the body you feel that you are loved, what kind of sensations it is. Memorize them and refer to them at the moment when you need it, without involving other people for this.

5. Learn to face the fact that other people cannot be around you all the time, cannot recognize without words what you want or do not want, cannot express their love all the time. Each person has his own rhythm of intimacy and alienation, activity and peace, communication and solitude, giving and receiving. Having their own rhythm, and periodically leaving close contact, they do not stop loving you less and do not become bad. The most prosperous child in a loving family (not to mention the world around him) is faced with the fact that not all of his needs can be met, or met immediately, or in the form in which he wants. This is really impossible. You can regret this, be sad, but it is not at all necessary to collapse from this.

6. Imagine what happens if you lose your external source of emotional well-being - a partner (friend, group of friends or like-minded people). It will probably be painful, unbearable, bitter, scary, hard. Try to get through it. It's not easy, but it's your experience, your life. At the same time, rely on the resources that I talked about in paragraphs 3 and 4. Remember the period when this person was not yet in your life. You lived without it, although it may have been difficult for you. Nevertheless, life went on as usual.

7. What is the most beautiful thing in your relationship with another person (or maybe in a relationship with another person)? Describe it in as much detail as possible. What do you most need from him? Describe this feeling or ideal state. Remember it or recreate it. Try to feel it with your whole body. Where in your body does it originate? Remember this place and these feelings. Stay in this state for a while. Then think about other ways you can get it in life.

Addiction is an attempt to live off other people's resources (or substances). The best cure for addiction is to live your life.

(c) Elena Sultanova, counseling psychologist, trauma therapist, trainer

Psychology of emotions: feelings under control Dubravin Dan

EQ-technology No. 4. How to overcome EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE on a partner?

The addict is helplessly begging for a little affection, like an alcoholic for money for a drink. At this stage, the spiritual life of a person is already significantly impoverished, since everything that filled it with meaning (work, communication with friends and family, creativity, hobbies) with the formation of dependence seems much less important and interesting than “one, but a fiery passion.

O. E. Avanesova

Emotional dependency cannot be hidden in other relationships. Its roots are in our childhood, and the consequences are manifested through time. If the relationship between parents and children was built without an emotional connection, or, conversely, this connection was too strong, such a person is at risk. That is why, according to statistics, 98% of people tend to create dependent relationships. If you didn’t figure it out once, addiction will follow you around, setting its insidious traps in new relationships.

Joke: Before the death of a co-dependent woman, the whole life of her husband flashed before her eyes.

My experience. One of my Clients suffered from severe emotional dependency in a relationship. The acquaintance lasted for several years, and they lived in different cities. Already several times they parted, but still converged and again tried to live together. When he was around her, it was like drug intoxication, and it was hard for him to control his feelings. Passion consumed them both. When they did not see each other for a long time, both suffered from depression, apathy and emotional exhaustion. Meeting her was like a shot of morphine for him. He built his life around a relationship with her, and all other things and people faded in importance against this background. As a result, they had to leave, and then he came to me for a consultation. We did not look for the cause of his dependence, but began to create new meanings against the backdrop of letting go of the loss.

The nature of emotional dependence (codependency)

Codependency of adults occurs when two psychologically dependent people establish relationships with each other and each brings into them what he needs to create a psychologically complete or independent personality. Since neither of them can feel and act completely independently of the other, they cling to each other like glued on.

codependence- a pathological condition characterized by deep absorption and strong emotional, social or even physical dependence on another person.

A codependent person gives tacit permission to influence the behavior of another person. He, as it were, transfers the remote control of his feelings into the hands of his partner.

He becomes completely absorbed in "controlling" the actions of the other person and thus regulating his own emotional state. As a result, wanting to control another, he ceases to control himself. We are always dependent to some extent on those we love. Complete emotional independence means the complete absence of attachments, deep feelings, which in itself is a serious problem.

Cause of emotional dependency is a lack of personal positive emotions. Therefore, life is directed in search of a man (woman) who (who) could (could) compensate for the inner emotional emptiness. Emotional dependence is an illusion of real relationships, intimacy, openness, love.

Eight signs of emotional dependence between partners:

Sign #1. You often experience jealousy, possessiveness, and a desire for exclusive possession, perceiving other people as a threat to existing relationships.

Sign #2. You prefer to spend time alone with each other and feel dissatisfied if this does not happen.

Sign number 3. You experience unreasonable anger or depression when your partner becomes a little emotionally distant.

Sign number 4. You lose interest in all other friendships except these.

Sign number 5. You are preoccupied with thoughts and worries about your partner's appearance, personality, problems, and interests.

Sign number 6. You are not disposed to planning anything (long or short term) without your partner's involvement.

Sign number 7. You are not able to really see the shortcomings of your partner, or, conversely, you see only shortcomings.

Sign number 8. You often mention your partner in conversation, feel free to speak "for him" or on his behalf.

Which of these signs are there in your relationship with your partner? If most of them, this indicates that you have an emotional dependence. The diagnosis is not fatal, but still makes you think. Most likely, you fell into one or more of the traps of emotional dependence.

There is good news! Dependence on a partner can be overcome. Our psyche, like the body, has a wonderful ability to recover. And now it's time to sort it all out.

The Traps of Emotional Addiction

We can all feel insecure at certain moments in our lives, and then we are ready to seize on any available means that guarantees us a sense of well-being and security. Such situations can be:

Trap #1 The period when you are materially dependent on your partner (apartment, car, money).

Trap #2 Low self-confidence as a man (woman).

Trap #3 The success of the partner in the social sphere and his greater life experience.

Trap number 4. Constant need for sex.

Trap #5 Transfer to the partner of the image of his father (mother). Expecting parental care from him.

Trap number 6. A strong sense of guilt in front of a partner, for some act.

Trap number 7. Experience a personal crisis and the desire to constantly receive support from a partner.

Trap #8 Change of residence, new territory of your habitat.

Trap #9 Replacing one type of dependence with dependence on a partner.

Trap number 10. your common child.

There are quite a few traps, as you can see. Each of them can be decisive and catch you. If you've been diagnosed with being trapped, it's time to start thinking about safely transforming your addiction into an addiction.

What is the difference between addiction and attachment?

If we have suffered emotional dependency in a past relationship, it may make us psychologically immune to similar suffering in the future. We may come to believe that the flip side of addiction is our complete independence from the partner. From the point of view of avoiding emotional pain, this is justified. But on the other hand, having built a sarcophagus around us, we will never get full satisfaction from the relationship. Instead, we will feel lonely, sad, or even angry. Unfortunately, there are many such examples.

Sometimes recovery goes through a phase of revenge: a person who has suffered from love enters into a close unequal relationship with a partner, where he himself is the object of dependence, and unconsciously or consciously tries to take revenge on “all men (women)”, causing mental pain to a new partner. A healthy alternative to addiction is emotional attachment, which satisfies the same needs but does so in a more environmentally friendly way.

Each person strives for intimacy, but at the same time he wants the other to show his vulnerability first. So nothing good will happen. We ourselves need to show our desire to show another our pain points, to tell what we need. Only such relationships can bring healing and build the love that we long for...

Saraswati

Emotional attachment - this is the desire to establish emotional closeness with a partner and the desire to maintain this closeness. Deep emotional attachment to a loved one serves as a support and source of vitality and positive emotions. Secure attachment is experienced as a source of security and joy.

Attachment is possible only between two emotionally mature people. If one of the partners is emotionally immature, this relationship is automatically at risk. Emotional immaturity is the result of an incomplete stage of separation of the child from the mother. This problem is solved with the help of individual or group psychotherapy, as well as special training programs.

Emotional addiction recovery technology

Codependent people try to establish control over each other, blame each other for their problems and hope that the other will behave exactly as his partner would like. As a result, the attention of each is focused on the personality of the other, and not on himself ...

Berry and Janey Weinhold

To get rid of addiction is to lose some part of yourself. It merges so tightly with our personality that the loss of it means a change in the whole picture of the world. Moreover, codependency is fixed at the neuronal level in the brain and at the muscular level in the body. Getting rid of emotional dependence is a laborious process that requires diligence and discipline. Once you understand the cause of your codependency, you will go a long way towards getting rid of it. If you decide to do this, congratulations! This is the most important step, and the suggestions below will help you structure the process.

Step #1: Take responsibility for your emotional state. This means that you do not shift the responsibility for the feelings that you experience and the lifestyle that you lead to anyone. Write it down and say it out loud! Recognize your emotional dependency.

Write down your responsibility

Step #2: Make the decision to overcome codependency. Write this decision on paper, hang it in a conspicuous place. You can voice it to people you trust.

Step #3. Answer the question honestly: “ Do you want to overcome codependency in an existing relationship or start building a new relationship on a new foundation?

In the case of building a new relationship, you need to properly experience the loss of past relationships and let them go with gratitude. There are special techniques for this, for example, through gratitude and forgiveness.

Step #4: Think about the price you might pay if you don't get rid of your codependency. You must clearly imagine the possible threat if this codependency is not overcome. For example, it may be a deterioration in health or prolonged depression. This will add motivation.

Possible price_________________

Step #5: Get support. Thank this addiction for being in your life, but it's time for you to move on without it. This is important, because the addiction, one hundred percent, performed some important function in your life.

Step number 6. Define a new format for relationships with a partner. Work with notes.

The main conclusion: each of us has our own interests and needs, and this is normal. The ability to maintain a balance between your needs and the general needs is perhaps the main philosophy of overcoming emotional dependence.

Step No. 7. Determine for yourself what perspectives this RELEASE gives you. These benefits must be meaningful to you and must energize you to take action. As a rule, the most motivating reason is the release from emotional pain and the desire to have fun.

Prospects for Liberation_________________

It is very important that you complete all seven steps diligently, as each of them takes you on the journey from emotional dependency to emotional attachment.

Summing up

1. Why do you need to overcome emotional dependency in a relationship?

2. What is the possible cause of your addiction? What trigger launches it?

3. Which of the following traps is the most dangerous for you?

4. What are the signs of emotional dependency in your relationship?

5. What will be your first step in breaking free from emotional dependency?

author Kozlov Vladimir

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First, let me tell you exactly what I mean by the term "emotional dependency" I met different things in articles and literature: a black hole in the soul that cannot be filled, the impossibility of choice in relationships, the inability to satiate oneself on one’s own, which subsides a little when this significant other is nearby, but does not completely disappear, etc. And all this resonates with me.

Internal features of a dependent personality

A dependent person is a person who experiences a feeling of inner "emptiness". Metaphorically, it is described as a kind of gaping hole in the chest area, which you definitely want to fill with something.

A mixture of anxiety, longing and loneliness, which, like a aching open wound, do not give rest and access to other experiences - satisfaction, joy, happiness. It is because of these difficult experiences that an addicted person strives to somehow fill his inner emptiness, satisfy emotional hunger and relieve mental pain. To do this, he begins to absorb this "symbolic breast" in the form of cigarettes, alcohol, food, information, etc. hoping, as it were, to return there, to the early period of life and "gather" the necessary experience of calming.

He is trying to “absorb” that “good parent” into himself in order to appropriate it for himself and finally stop worrying. Of course, all dependency objects are just surrogates. They reduce anxiety for a while, but in general they are not able to fill the inner emptiness.

After all, the cause of the trauma of the addict is in the relationship with the mother (or those who performed the functions of the mother)- that is, the "environment" that did not provide him with the proper satisfaction of his vital needs. As a result, it is difficult for an addicted person to structure time and maintain its boundaries (setting).

Dependent people tend to be late and vice versa, delay some process, it is difficult for them to stop and keep the frame. The dependent personality does not have the boundaries “I-not me”. A dependent person has a hard time experiencing distance in a relationship: anxiety and fear of rejection go off scale.

Such a person strives to overcome the "chasm" in one jump, that is, to quickly get close to another, ignoring the gradualness and building security. The so-called "pre-contact zone". Such people can behave with unfamiliar people as if they already have a long experience of relationships with them and are close.

The constant insatiable inner emotional hunger of the addict pushes him to an immediate rapprochement with others, in the hope of getting the desired "holding" - calm and acceptance. The dependent person is incapable or incapable of adequate empathy towards another person. It is difficult for her to put herself in the place of another and "accommodate" the manifestations of the other.

I must say that this is precisely why this problem is called addiction, because it is built and takes roots from early trauma, like other types of addictions (drug, alcohol, gaming, food, etc.). Only emotional dependence- a consequence of a later traumatization from an earlier period, so to speak.

How addiction starts:

Dependence begins with the birth of a child and the relationship with the mother, or rather relationship problems. This period covers the age from birth to 3 years. In the theory of object relations, this period is understood as the time of the formation of "internal objects". That is, at first the baby needs only a mother and 24 hours a day. Then, in her absence, the baby learns to console himself with a “transitional object” - a toy or other object resembling a mother.

And already by the age of 3-4 years, the image of the mother in a healthy developmental process should be steadily “placed” in the inner world of the child. Then the mother becomes an "internal object" that gives birth to comfort and hope, even if the real mother is not around, which for the child becomes a condition for establishing basic security and trust in the world.

In adulthood, this manifests itself as the hope that "everything will be fine" even if current events are frustrating at the moment. This hope helps to survive more or less steadily periods of adversity in our lives. So, when something goes wrong in a relationship with a real mother under the age of 3 (she disappears or is not supportive), then this internal supporting space is not formed in the child or is formed partially.

And if it is not formed at all, that is, there is absolutely no image of a supporting “object” inside, then a grown person is threatened with drug and alcohol addiction("relationship with substance" in the absence of a relationship with a person). If there is a "partial object", then food addiction is possible (food, as a product of the mother's breast, that is, parts of the object). Well, if the mother was still there, but the relationship with her was unsatisfactory for the little man, then the psyche prefers to keep in sight even the “bad”, but still present mother. The internal image of the mother remains incomplete (partial), corresponding to either one or the other pole: bad, and then in adult life there is an endless search for a “good” mother in the person of a partner, for example, or good, and then the partner’s aggressive manifestations are constantly ignored and ignored to your side.

As a result, the partial internal support space gives the feeling of this insatiable hole. And it is precisely out of fear of meeting this hole that people often do not dare to leave toxic, non-supporting and non-developing relationships. This is how I see it, without claiming to be the ultimate truth.

Addiction as Separation Failure

The theory of separation and individuation by Margaret Mahler describes the development of a child up to 2 years old. The condition for healthy development is separation from the mother and gaining reliance on one's own individual qualities, knowledge, skills, abilities and results.

If a child is completely “saturated” with his mother in the first six months of his life, he develops a healthy intrapsychic image of his mother. It is thanks to this appropriated image of a good mother that the baby can safely for himself gradually separate from her.

At the same time, it’s good to feel good, being with yourself and doing some of your own business. It is the appropriated intrapsychic image of a good mother for ourselves that allows us in adult life to feel confident and satisfy our needs.

If a person does not have an image of his own “good caring mother” for himself, he will not be able to feel autonomous, fulfilled and confident in life, he will forever look for his “lost mother”.

In fact, addicts were not able to go through the initial separation from their mother in early childhood. They lacked the external manifestations of a real caring empathic mother to form and appropriate the image of a good internal parent for themselves.

Addicts are eternal "orphans", looking for and not finding their "good mother" in any way, suffering from the inability to be independent and happy.

How to treat it in therapy and what to pay attention to the most addicted:

Undoubtedly, 1st and important is the ability to recognize your emotions, name them and identify your needs with their help.

2nd important condition– work with the body, and attention to its connection with emotional life. If in early childhood, mother and close circle did not pay due attention to bodily communication with the child - hugs, touches, stroking, then he is guaranteed emotional dependence when he grows up: a person will become completely attached to everyone who strokes “correctly”, because it is bodily touches that give the child at one time, a sense of the boundaries of one's own body, a feeling of warmth and care, as well as security.

In this regard, many cases of sticking in a relationship are based on sticking on the body of the partner and what the partner does with the body of the addict. It is important to note that emotionally dependent people, among other things, have difficulty understanding their own sexuality, as a result of dissociation with their own body and the projection of their experiences onto a partner. And then it seems that this partner is the only one who can give me such unearthly pleasure, and there is no awareness that this is my ability / inability to enjoy in principle.

3rd important condition e - “patching up” holes in identity, as opposed to filling these holes with others, superficial identification with this other. Here I mean some work to get out of the merge and find your differences from the other. Here the main questions may be: “Who am I and what are my needs?”. The next stage after this stage is finding ways to satisfy your needs, taking into account the different possibilities of the field, that is, not only with the help of one partner, but with the opportunity to attract other people, other relationships and resources in life.

And all the while, sorry, this hole will whine. And the only thing you can do is to surrender to it, go into this pain, not being afraid to meet it and live it, no matter how difficult and long it is. This process is still finite and certainly with a gradual decrease in the intensity of this pain. This work is reminiscent of unfinished mother's work, when almost every day you have to console, pump and support yourself (and with the help of a therapist). In a sense, become your own mother. And here, at first, the role of a psychotherapist is very important, who can “show” by his own example how to be a good enough mother. After all, the client does not have this experience. And gradually take this care of yourself into your own hands.

Emotional dependency is negative pattern of behavior leading to serious personality disorders.

Such a state has characteristic features.

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Concept and types

What it is?

Emotional dependency- this is a state of pronounced psychological dependence on another person, whose opinion and words completely determine the emotional state of the subject himself.

Similar unhealthy attachment leads to the fact that a person is completely immersed in a relationship with the subject, whom he has chosen as a "deity" and ceases to live his own life.

There are several types of emotional dependency.

From a man

In the presence of a strong attachment to another person, this other person is appointed as an “idol”, which must be worshipped.

All words, deeds, actions of this person are standard. They completely determine the views of the victim of emotional dependence, her behavior, desires.

As a result, completely the person's identity is lost. He ceases to objectively evaluate himself as an independent subject. There is a merger with one's "deity", whose life and interests come to the fore.

From approval

A person can be dependent not only on the opinion of a particular object, but also on public opinion in general.

Desire to make a positive impression on others win approval These are typical traits of an emotionally dependent person.

Such a person may initially choose an inappropriate type of activity for him, take on many extraneous duties, forget about his own plans and desires for the sake of other people's interests, etc.

Often such individuals do what no one demanded of them and did not even expect. out of a desire to please and impress. At the same time, they act in this way not only among acquaintances, friends or colleagues, but also among absolutely strangers.

Desire to win the approval of others most often is based on the following aspirations:

• avoid loneliness;
• become in demand;
• fill the void in the soul with emotions received from other people.

The main danger of such behavior lies in the fact that self-esteem is based not on their own ideas about themselves, but on the opinions and attitudes of other people.

From relationships

People in love relationships are always dependent on each other to some extent..

But with a pronounced emotional attachment of one of the partners, the relationship ceases to be healthy.

A person experiencing from a relationship, makes your partner the meaning of your life.

There is a constant need for communication, attention, telephone conversations, etc. If the object of affection for some reason becomes inaccessible, a feeling of fear appears.

A person who is in does not feel the fullness of life without his partner and does not feel complete. This kind of thinking ends up harms not only him, but also the object of his passion.

The second member of the couple has the burden of responsibility for the happiness and peace of mind of his dependent partner. He is forced to constantly be in touch, control his emotions, answer endless questions, etc.

The reasons

The main reasons why emotional attachment occurs:

How to get away from emotional attachment?

Since such a state is negative, it is important to find ways out of it.

Treatment Methods

You can achieve effective results using the following auto-training methods:

If you cannot solve the problem yourself using these methods, you should seek help from specialists.

In especially severe cases, emotional dependencies can lead to serious depressive states that pose a danger to human health and life.

If necessary, the psychotherapist develops a treatment program that includes not only sessions, but also the appointment of antidepressants, tranquilizers.

Drying technique

You can remove the dependency with drying technique. Its use allows you to break the connection with the object of attachment.

It is necessary to retire to a quiet place and carefully consider the connection that exists with another person. You can try to visualize the image of this connection.

How she looks like? Where does it start? What emotions does it evoke?

The answers to all these questions will understand true feelings The that the anchor object calls.

Then it should be imagined that the connection was abruptly cut off. Most likely, such an image will cause a feeling of discomfort. After that, it is important to indicate the purpose of the connection. What does this connection provide?

Next you need imagine yourself from the position of "Super Me". This is an improved version of the personality, in which all the desired features of the "idol" are collected. It is important to feel this version of yourself and realize the possibility of its existence.

Now you need to re-imagine the disconnection and instantly replace it with a new connection - with your "Super Self". As a result, a new object appears on which you can rely.

It is important to feel gratitude for the connection left and imagine that part of it goes to the past object of affection. This will allow him to reach the state of "Super Me". In the end, the break will be a good thing for both parties.

Last step - integration. Here there is a union with its improved version, a transition to a new level of self-perception.

How to get rid of addiction?

Methods of getting rid of addiction are universal for men and women, but there are some differences, taking into account the characteristics of the psychology of the sexes.

From a man

women by nature created for families and children.

For this reason, they consider any relationship with a man from the point of view of creating a family in the future.

The increased emotionality of most women, their need for love and care often lead to strong attachment to the chosen one.

How to break an emotional connection with a man or husband? You can get rid of it like this:

1. Remove responsibility from the man. It is important to realize that a man is not a source of stability and confidence.

   He is only a partner who complements the life of the original whole, versatile woman.

2. Get rid of fears. Constantly important (achievements, hobbies, self-care). Then the fear of losing a man will be replaced by calmness, self-confidence.
3. Avoid negative expectations. Often past negative experiences prevent you from building full-fledged relationships in the future. You should block bad thoughts and not think out the situation.

From a woman

Men, unlike women, are more focused on external achievements (career success, material wealth, etc.). Therefore, most often those men who are emotionally dependent are who have not been very successful.

Because of their incompetence, they don't feel confident afraid of losing a partner. How to get out of emotional dependence on a woman?

Solutions to the problem:

In this way, get rid of emotional addiction really. It is important to realize that existing relationships are negative and take steps to change the situation.

Emotional dependence in relationships - advice from a professional psychologist: